How to fake enthusiasm for the job you hate Don’t appear over enthusiastic to be at work. I’ve never had this problem. I like to give off an air of indifference and contempt for my job and company. This makes my vaguely successful results all the more impressive. “Just imagine how much I could achieve if you motivated me” is the gauntlet I’m laying down to my Manager. In truth he’d find it easier to motivate Hugh Heffner to join a monastery. On my way back from my fraudulent toilet breaks I ascend the stairs as slowly as possible. As I reach the office door I burst through, stride to my desk and start typing furiously. Sometimes I jam the door first and shoulder barge it open desperately. I pretend I’m angry my weak bladder distracted me from my workload. It was actually my weak work ethic. In day long team meetings I ask a question every 30 minutes to hide that I’m musing on whether my Manager looks more like a Warthog or a Walrus. I’m leaning towards Walrus but his apple guzzling is very Warthog-esque. Ask a closed question to avoid a long answer. A personal favourite...